Approach & Values
How can we preserve the true spirit of horses, where, in our being together with them, we don’t take anything away, but promote their development, personality and being? What does it mean to let a horse blossom, so it can thrive in all its power, spirit, dignity and joy, according to the nature it has been given? Isn’t it our duty to preserve this? Wouldn’t we want to develop it, nurture it, and guide it so the horse can be as free as possible? Isn’t the mental and physical health of our horses our main responsibility? In order to achieve this, we need to go a little deeper than just training horses. We need to go beyond just applying the right technique or method. Just like humans, horses thrive when they heard, seen, understood and valued. It is our responsibility to feel and listen more carefully, perceive more accurately, and look inwardly to examine ourselves.
Horses, like little children, are just desperately waiting for us recognize them for who they are. They can’t wait for us to step up, and provide them with safety through leadership and offer them relationship, a relationship in which we can give them the gifts of overcoming fear, trauma, distress, and the gift of growth. A relationship in which they can be who they are, be (close) with us, dance with us, and grow together with us.
Horses make the unseen seen, our internal motivation, beliefs and state of mind. They reflect who we are on the inside when we encounter them. We may be able to execute a certain technique perfectly but if we are internally held back by fear, certain narratives, if we don’t truly believe in what we do, or are not at peace due to frustration, the horse will somehow show this. When are not congruent, not authentic, not honest, not connected with ourselves, horses will not be able to connect to our ‘disconnect’. We have to take the first step and examine what is going on inside of us, focus on renewing our mind, understand what our horses need, and abide by the principles of relationship as found in nature. The generosity, forgiving and childlike nature of horses will never let you down once you honestly decide to choose to take this path. It is an exhilarating, but confronting (life-long) journey. It may not always be comfortable, but it will yield its fruits and inevitably result in joy and freedom!
Therefore, we aim to offer horses relationship and value relationship over performance. Some of the main principles and aspects that we adhere to as part of this journey are:
Communication | Connection | Leadership
Mental balance | Development
Communication & Authentic Connection
Horses are 100% relational and social. They do not think in terms of exercises, or techniques. When we come in contact with them the only thing they will think about is how what you are doing is influencing your relationship with them. If any relational principles are broken, the horse may do what you want it to do, it may function, but internally it will shut down, turn itself away from you, in one way or another. And when it really comes down to it, they will then also physically leave. To reach our horses heart and mind we need to adhere to relational principles and not merely train and control their physical bodies;
· Freedom to choose and consent;· We can only offer, guide, and invite, but never impose or control;· We need come from a pure, self-less motivation and have the willingness to feel, listen, accurately perceive, adapt and understand;· We need to use a language that is natural (opposed to artificial) as possible: body language;· We need to embody true, (not counterfeit) leadership qualities, out of which safety, confidence and trust arises.
When prioritizing relationship and connection we will always create a win win situation. Without over-complicating the simple, we can re-discover that which is completely natural and authentically connect with our horses.
At the heart of relationship lies communication. True communication is a dialogue. You don’t just talk, you also listen. You will find that in this work you may say little and listen (observe) a lot. We listen with our eyes, and strive to continually refine our perception and intuition. It is important that the horse actually gets the chance to express itself and say something! We answer and act based on the information we receive; we lead by being led. And to answer, we use a natural language we share: body language – our answers are energy, movements and, when riding, touch. Even human communication is said to consist of at least 60% body language!
Now the horse has the opportunity to actually converse and relate. Now we start to make sense to our horses. Through communication we can convey true leadership and, through one positive experience after another, earn the trust and respect of our horses.
Leadership
Leadership is often misunderstood and even feared. Children, animals and adults who have experienced a false, counterfeit form of leadership, often shut down and shy away from any form of authority and lose the ability to trust (and surrender). “Counterfeit leadership” may look like leadership, but it yields different fruits, and this will inevitably show in working in freedom with horses. We are all confronted with counterfeit leadership on a daily basis one way or another. From government, to school systems and workplace environments, we have in great part grown accustomed to it, and its therefore sometimes hard to distinguish. Most of us would have experienced some form of counterfeit leadership in our upbringing. To be able to connect and work with our horses in freedom, we must be able to unravel it and reveal its errors.
The path to true liberty requires true leadership as true liberty comes forth out of the free choice to connect and surrender.
The sad thing is that counterfeit leadership ‘functions’ to a certain point, the follower may do what the “leader” is asking, or obey what the ‘leader’ is demanding, but does this out of the wrong motivation (fear). It could be highly functional for a while, but break down at some point. It comes forth out of weakness.
Counterfeit leadership uses punishment, conditioning (positive/negative reinforcement), dominance, intimidation, and manipulation, to impose. (Even on a subtle level as is the case with conditioning; e.g. making it uncomfortable/comfortable). It controls and dominates. It results in oppression, unwilful submission, brokenness, loss of individuality, loss of freedom and fear.
True leadership always allows for free choice, it is relationship centred, it allows for natural consequences (not punishment) to occur when boundaries are violated, or relational principles are broken. It is selfless and serves. It nurtures, protects and provides. It promotes individuality, freedom, trust and the ability to self-govern. It results in love and a wilful surrender. It comes forth out of strength.
So what may this look like when we are together with our horses? I would like to highlight a few qualities of true leadership, briefly discuss them:
Independence
Independence means that one does not let him/herself be influenced mentally and physically by the state of mind or the movements of the horse. All too often we let ourselves be influenced – the horse takes a step to the right and our bodies veer to the right, our horse gets tense, we get tense. By governing ourselves we stop following and naturally take the lead. Not by dominantly forcing our agenda, but by simply going our own way we become a point of reference to our horses. This naturally also counts for our sate of mind. If we remain calm when our horse is stressed, we will be able to eventually ‘lead’ the horse back into calmness. On a more subtle level we have to be also emotionally independent. If we desperately want something from our horses, we want them to like/love us, or make us feel/look good or bring us ‘success’, by needing something from them, we will subliminally upset the relational balance of leader – follower (parent-child). We will be (subconsciously) driven to have our needs met, instead of accurately recognizing and meeting the needs of our horses. This brings us to the next point;
Perception, Intuition, Feel and Awareness - Presence
Being present is not about being overpowering exuberant and drawing all the attention to you. Being present is about ‘seeing’ the other or others. It’s about taking a step back, and looking at what is not being said. It is about sensing where someone is at and being aware of the entire environment. A good manager be sensitive enough to feel and see when an employee is not him/herself on a particular day and willing to make time available from his busy schedule to sit down and ask how someone is going. A good school teacher will intuitively notice something may have happened to a child. On the first date the guy gives the girl his jacket as he notices she is cold, without her asking or saying anything. We may all be able to recall such moments in our personal lives which resulted in much trust and respect. The same counts for our horses, it will mean the world to them when you feel, hear, see and recognize them! Additionally, your environmental awareness will show them you fully take on your responsibility as a leader.
Structure and Boundaries
Freedom is not doing what you want, whenever you want it. Freedom is living in harmony with the design laws of nature and inherent relational principles. These principles and laws are there to protect us. In giving horses structure and healthy boundaries, we love them. Boundaries will further prove our leadership and provide the safety and security horses are desperately looking for.
Clarity and Consistency - Trustworthiness
To prove our trustworthiness to our horses we need to be as clear and consistent as possible. When a horse decides to accept you as a leader and chooses to follow it literally puts its life into your hands. It’s a big deal for them! They are allowed to question, test and go through a process to find out whether this is something they are willing to do. Being inconsistent and unclear almost immediately disqualifies you as it puts a shadow of doubt on your trustworthiness. In our communication, aids, boundaries we strive for clarity and consistency.
Leading by example – Modeling.
To be able to lead others you must be able to lead yourself first. We need to be masters of ourselves to be able to serve (lead) others. By now it must not surprise you that the entire horse journey is actually all about self-development and growth. Whatever it is you radiate, horses, like little children, will reflect. ‘Modeling’ is a term used in psychology to describe learning and/or behavioural change through observation and imitation. Horses also learn, change and develop in this way. Therefore we must be able to be an example to our horses. If we want our horse to be calm, we must find our own inner stillness. If we want our horses to let themselves be led, we must be able to let ourselves be led. If we want our horses to surrender, we must be surrendered ourselves.
You may notice that none of the point above describe a certain technique or method. Is patience a technique? Is awareness a method? Working with horses is all about mental strength. It are the mental aspects we need to develop – the ‘love battle’ is won in the mind, it is not a physical battle. Providing your horse with true leadership always creates a win-win situation.
Mental Balance
Offering connection, leadership, using natural ways to communicate with your horse, and recognising your horse gives you a key. Instead of having to force a door to open it, you do your best to find the right key to unlock it. Once you start opening the door you may find that you are confronted with many things before you can fully open it and are invited in. Horses will show you exactly what is going on inside of them once they are actually allowed to and time and space is given for them to do so. Because you are now entering a real connection horses may also show you that they have to reconsider everything – the previous relationship you had was one of compromise and functionality, but now that you want to go a step deeper you are actually inviting your horse to surrender. If it hasn’t already, any underlying mental instability will start to show. Whether its trauma, pain, or sadness, insecurity or distrust, it will all come to the surface and show itself, usually in what we as people call “un-desired, or bad behaviour”. Things often get ‘worse’ before getting better.
Behaviour, regardless of the label we give it as humans is always communication!
Horses don’t even know what is “good or bad behaviour” – they only know how they feel and honestly express it. If we now address or punish just the behaviour, we will never be able to get to the root cause and only make matters worse – we only create more disconnect. Punishing behaviour is like smashing an activated fire alarm into pieces and then conclude that the fire is now under control. A big part of the journey with a horse is to restore mental balance by addressing the root cause of these mental instabilities. We do this by allow it, giving it space, accepting it and continue to offer connection and leadership. This is probably the most challenging part of the journey. We need to be careful we don’t take anything personal, and make sure we don’t have expectations that are too high. Especially horses with deeply rooted trauma need a lot of time and patience. But your perseverance will be worth it! You and your horse will experience such a tremendous amount of satisfaction and joy once you do overcome.
Your horse will be eternally grateful!
“You can never avoid the truth, you can only delay the day you deal with it.” – Dr. Timothy Jennings.
Development
Seeing a horse move in collection, relaxed, engaged and balanced, showing off all kinds of difficult movements is something spectacular to watch. And, in nature, these movements are designed to just do that, impress, exerting a sovereign presence, express joy and vitality or to simply communicate. ….. It is not a coincidence that, in the domesticated horse world, where we don’t need these moves for battle anymore, we still strive to cultivate these movements in horses.
But these movements don’t, and should not, just please the eye, they have an intrinsic value beyond aesthetic pleasure. “Dressage” like movements are there for the horse, the horse not for the dressage movements! Just as Pilates is for humans, and not the other way around!
If we disconnect the movement with the spirit, the mind, the intend, what are we left with, just a movement….? It’s is true and important to realize that a movement, such as a rearing or a Spanish walk can help a shut down, timid horse out of its shell again.
But, ultimately my goal is to never separate the feeling/mind from the movement, to work with the mind and heart first, so that whatever is expressed physically comes from the inside out.
If our horses are internally relaxed, fearless, unrestricted, in a state of chosen surrender, joyful, they will physically express this. It is then up to us to recognize when horses are in the right state of mind and act upon this so we can dance together. Like a surfer catching a wave, we cannot control how big the wave is and how fast it will be, but we allow ourselves to be taken by it working with what is there.
We work with what is being offered to us.
There is a natural, dynamic flow in everything we do…. A bit like harvesting from a bio-diverse natural garden, instead of an industrial mono-culture farm. All movements, will then come out of joy and excitement, whether it will be a moment of collection, a few steps of passage or a shoulder-in.
When our focus remains on the simple, fundamental principles of establishing relationship, and we always aim to work with the horse’s mind, you find that opportunities and possibilities to develop naturally present themselves. You know when an apple is ripe when it almost falls into your hand off the tree when touching it. If you have to use force and pull it off the tree, you may end up with an apple which, apart from some slight color difference, looks the same as a ripe apple. But its almost to hard to eat, sour, and doesn’t actually have the enzymes in it we need to be able to digest it.
The same counts for us, we in turn need to be patient and kind to ourselves so we can allow growth to occur in us. Encouraging ourselves instead of pressuring ourselves. Horses (& people) don’t need us to be perfect, they need us to be real. Coming from an honest place where we have the willingness to look at ourselves, put our ego aside and embrace our weaknesses is over half the ‘work’ done.
We CAN simultaneously develop together, mentally, spiritually and physically with our horses.
When we give ourselves unconditionally and unreservedly, horses in turn gift us the greatest gift they could give; themselves, with all their mind and all their strength.
